My listening tastes

My daughter is teaching me to appreciate so many different types of music....Although we like the same bands we don't always like the same songs

You will be missed but not forgotten...

May you rest in peace Travis Lee Smith (June 18, 1982-May 21, 2007).....you touched my life without me even realizing it. I heard the news of your death and after a day of letting it sink in I've shed many, many tears. You were such a happy person who had a love for life like I've never seen in anyone else. I know that it's been over three years since we've seen one another but news of your death sparked so many memories and even a bit of regret. I never thanked you for picking up this old single mom during a very dark time. Age was never a boundary in any friendship that you kindled and that means a lot. You introduced me and Bre to the drag races, old cars, and finding joy in simple things. You helped me fix my car when I was low on cash...you actually fixed my car and wanted nothing in return. You made me laugh when I felt like crying. You chased my dog when she went psycho and decided to run away. We looked at the stars and talked about life in general and where it could go. I always knew when you were in the neighborhood because of that loud old car you had. Mornings when I would get coffee at the gas station if you saw me you would try to flirt as if you didn't know me.....I always had to smile!!!! I did something strange today....I talked to you in heaven while I was riding in my car...of course I was alone. I told you things that I remembered and thanked you and wished like everything that you could still be here on earth and enjoy all that life has to offer. Strange cause I don't even live near you anymore but I know that given more time here on earth you would have made the most of it!!!! My husband does not understand that we were friends so I can't really talk to him about you and this good things that I remember about you.

I can't help think about your mother and the feeling of deep loss that she must be experiencing right now.

Trying to act like a badass...but really a teddy bear!

Gas Prices

I'm not a usually the type of person who rants and raves but the recent trend in gas prices has really started my blood boiling. Before my husband started his new logistics business I never really took into consideration how gas prices truly affect everything. Trucks are not moving anywhere due to the over inflated prices because they are unable to make any money from the shippers. One shipper stated that it is unusually slow in the plant industry due to the fact that consumers do not have extra cash flow. Why do they not have extra cash flow? HMMMMM maybe because we live in a country in which it is almost a necessity to drive cars that require gasoline. Extra cash flow goes to pay for gasoline needed to take us to our jobs....

One thing is reliant on another...and when that one thing in the cycle gets out of wack then everything just falls around it.... My mother in-law in all of her infinite hillbilly wisdom has been around the world and is very knowledgable about politics offered this advice in one of our afternoon coffee talks.... Americans should grow some big balls and decide that they are as a whole unit are not going to buy gas for a week or two. Stock up on everything that they need and just sit tight....Break the vicious cycle and create another vicious cycle for the oil companies and the government. Oil companies won't have all those billions of dollars in revenue which means a reduction in the amount that they are paying in taxes to the government.....She said the French never hesitate to shut the country down when they aren't happy with the government or big business. Sounds as if we could take a lesson from the French!

Gas prices have made a negative impact on many families including my own. My children have learned about cutting back and the affect of lean times. No moving freight means no money from my husband's business. We all know that teachers in the south do not make money and the fact that I live in a right to work state where my daily job responsibilities are underpaid and anything extra work done does not earn me the right to extra monetary rewards.

Will the vicious cycle be broken or will it get worse? I hope that things will improve but there is still much darkness in the tunnel at this point.

Character

What exactly is character? We teach our children at the intermediate school about character through lessons that are read to them but do children actually have practice developing their character? It's been a long day and after a long ride home spent virtually grumbling and griping about my life and how hard the day had been I looked up and saw something that brought tears to my eyes. I saw a man that walks all over the town we live in. This is no ordinary man, he is not handsome by most of our standards nor is he distinguished in a way that most people would consider extraordinary. I, on the other hand, I feel like this is a man that could teach us something just by observing him from a distance. The little man appears to be in the latter part of his 60's and has an extremely curved spine. It looks painful but yet I see him walking what I consider to be extremely long walks. I have to stand back in awe of this incredible human being. Yes, I described this man as incredible. If asked most people would simply ignore this man or not see the inspiration that I see. It does break my heart that people who are different or have disabilities are not viewed as being extrordinary human beings with gifts to give to others just by being themselves.

After I got home I called my mum and we discussed CHARACTER. It amazes me that even other teachers in my building do not see my students as being extraordinary and not in a way that warrants pity or being ignoring. This led to debate....would it be better to have a disability and cognitive awareness and perceptions of them or have a disability that caused a person to be unaware of the perceptions of others? That's a hard question. I look at things differently given my chosen profession. My children function at a very low level. The only way to describe them would be infants and toddlers in 10 year old bodies. But one thing that always gives me peace and happiness of heart is knowing that my children are happy just being here (where ever "here" may mean at any given time/place). I wish the rest of us could say that. Can you say that you are happy of heart and just happy to be alive?

Character: (my personal definition) Accepting yourself and others as they are and truly appreciating their uniqueness.

Getting Older


Last night I realized that I am definitely getting older....Breanna asked for tickets to see the Taste of Chaos tour in Atlanta for her birthday. When I was young people would "flick their Bic" when a good song came on. I felt so old when the kids in the audience flipped their cell phones. GEEEZ!!!! That was just odd! Overall the performances were pretty good and the seats were nice and safe. Breanna was a little miffed that we didn't have floor seats because she wanted to take part in the mashing that was going on. This coming from a girl who wears a whopping size one in her clothes. The performances were pretty good. I was overly impressed by the message that the singers were expressing. Mind you there were a lot of children that most people would classify as being "gothic" but one of the singers encouraged them to smile even when they may not think there is anything to smile about and the other told them in not so many words that they were special. AIDEN told them that in the arena they were all the same, it didn't matter how cool they thought they were, what brand of clothing they wore, or what issues may be facing them on the outside. He told them that he was tired of people always being down on life. As an adult I could truly appreciate the messages that they were sending. I could also see where most people would see these children as having problems or potentially causing problems because of the way they dressed and their overall outward appearance. But these bands, who are role models to these children, were definitely sending a different message for these children. Needless to say, I was impressed.

I was also impressed by the fact that the bands came out after each of their performances to sign autographs. When I was younger bands didn't do things like this. It's weird though that when I was younger you didn't get autographs unless you were a. lucky enough to score backstage passes or b. you stalked the tour bus and got an autograph by chance. Another oddity of the night was that Jared Leto is the singer of one of her favorite bands, 30 Seconds to Mars, was a teen star that I was in love with when I was a teenager....he was the cute rebel in that show My So-Called Life (Jordan Catalano). Wow! She told him when he was autographing her poster, "My mom used to be in love with you!" Thank goodness I didn't go with her to get that autograph! She does get good taste from me though! She came back and said that he had the most gorgeous eyes ever....

I'm not usually a fan of YouTube but seeing as how I have this techno-fabulous daughter who clues me in on all this hip stuff...I thought this one was really cute...Plus you have to know the dogs in my house. Our rat-terrier feist, Buddy, loves sneaking into the kitty litter box....explains why the dog in this video thinks that "kitty crunch" tastes like "crotch"!!!!! Go figure! The crazy things our pets will do. Beware of kitty crunch kisses, they are truly disgusting and deadly!

I have totally not devoted the time and effort to this blog that I had hoped to. With four children and teaching a special needs class, I'm absolutely beat by the time that I get home! Poor excuse but that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Things at our house have been chaos but what's new there when you grow up and have responsibilities? My husband has started a new business and it's definitely a slow process! Smart people (which we are not) would have banked money aside for living expenses until the business got rolling. Not us! Right now we are living by the seat of our pants and hoping for the business to take off! Who says teaching doesn't pay off? It has fed the mouths of six people for almost a month now which I'm grateful for. I don't know much about the trucking business and brokering out freight is truly dependent on the weather. The storms that have slammed the midwest and northern states have really took their toll on the trucking industry and our income level. Despite our current plight I have compassion for those people living through all of the snowy weather. The south is where I'll stay, thank you very much!

The spring promises to bring about new things for my family and for once I'm totally going into it with an optimistic point of view. Not like me at all! I had my bouts of being negative and my husband was probably wishing that I was not his wife! LOL This too shall pass!

Oh! Yesterday I celebrated my 33rd birthday. It wasn't all that bad after all. Jim surprised me with a wonderful coffee ice cream cake from Coldstone Creamery. It was delish!

Kidney Infection....UGHHHHH!!!!! yuCKY!!!!

I should have known something was going wrong yesterday......It felt as if I was going through my eighth month of pregnancy with all of the running to the bathroom. Turns out it's a kidney infection! WooHoo! Thank goodness there is an over the counter medicine now that helps this problem...

On to a more thoughtful (sad) note. On Thursday my great Uncle passed away from a massive heart attack. A little background on the situation first...My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. So most of my life has been one in which my families consisted of two different entities that on rare celebratory occasions those two families came together. My uncle was a member of my father's side of the family, mind you, but on Saturday after the funeral was all done (two hours away from where I live currently) my mother called to tell me the news. This was a blow to my heart because this man was very near and dear to my heart. He never married but always had time for the children in the family when we would visit. I'm currently having issues related to my father. He has totally cut me out of his life as have I with him. My mother is very upset because she feels that she started a "war" of sorts between "Harry" and myself. She said that it broke her heart that I refuse to call him dad anymore. I feel alienated and disconnected from him and have for quite some time now. It has given me some sort of inner peace to be able to disconnect and realize that I do not have to strive for his love and affection from this point forward. My therapist will have a lot to listen to during my visit in February!!!!

I can almost hear my paternal grandmother now...."You know that relationships are a two-way street and you need to make more efforts to build a bridge with your father." Okay I have tried to build that bridge with no success...Every phone conversation has been made by myself and those conversations generally end up with him being overly critical of decisions being made by my husband and myself. My mother's statement was that I need to concentrate on all the people in my life (actively participating) and the people that make my life worth living. I've prayed about my relationship with the "sperm donor" and I've yet to feel that I have any answers. I have spent a great majority of my life desiring the love of "Harry" only to reach utter failure and it is not a path that I choose to seek thus far. I feel as if the ball is in his court and he can do with it as he pleases. I am not going to sit and mope around waiting for the impossible....

Student's First Day Back

Winter break is officially over and the little chaps have returned to school. In their return the majority of them have totally lost their ever-loving minds. Why is it that a week and a half at home with mummy and daddy has turned them into freaking wild beasts?!?!?!?!?!? My students who all have special needs are creatures of habit and routine. The break serves as a time for them to become familiar to their household routines and our school routines are quickly forgotten...Then two and a half weeks later it's time to start over and build the routines that we had established prior to break. I could tell who had been allowed to their own devices of self-stimulation and those who had been kept in a certain pattern. In a slight few there was definite evidence of eye poking and nipple twisting just to name a few...My thought was "here we go again!" Just what we had tried to put an end to before the holiday!!!!!

On a lighter note it is after all our 89th day of school which means we are almost over the hump!!!!! Thus leaving us with 91 days to go!!!! Woo hoo!!! Can't you tell I'm trying to psych myself up about this!!! Although on the bright side this school year has been phenomenal compared to last year. I was the new kid on the block, newly married, and with a younger group of children. This year I have slipped into a routine with a group that has more severe needs but also have less behavior problems, particularly in the area of being disrespectful which I must say is a plus in many ways.

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The teacher's first day back after winter break

Yesterday I was looking forward to going back to work and finishing out the last half of the school year. After actually going back and sitting through meetings that really have nothing to do with special education I realized that I was ready for another vacation.... How sad is that?!?!?!?! In past I have received many e-mails hailing the work that we teachers do on a daily basis but those e-mails are meaningless until our governments and the rest of the population realize what a valuable service we do provide. Being in the state of South Carolina I live in a "right to work" state. In short this means that if you want to work you can but there is no union to protect you from being taken advantage of by the system. I'm not one who would encourage a protest or strike but sometimes it would be nice to feel as if wrongs could be righted. My state and federal government has passed new laws which have added days to my work but yet have failed to increase my salary. They have further made requirements for me to be highly qualified to do my job because obviously my training at university and master's degree is not sufficient. I understand the need to be highly qualified due to the fact that we are grooming young people to become the future leaders of our country. The rights of students are protected and the rights of parents are protected but yet when and how are my rights protected????? To make matters worse I teach special education which means all of the red tape and falling upon the radar of Mr. Bush's "No Child Left Behind" I realize that the rights of students with special needs have to be protected and preserved. Honestly though my students have severe disabilities and for our government to state that my students will eventually graduate and receive a diploma is not realistic. I would welcome the prescence of any government official in my classroom to realize that I work on basic life skills. These life skills ranging from being able to express sickness, self-toileting, etc. Reading, writing, and math have to take a backseat in order for me to address basic communication skills especially for my non-verbal students. I realize that life is not fair and that there will always be inequitites but jeeezzzz compensate me a bit more for my time and effort. It has been rumored that eventually teachers will be paid for the quality of work they do...How may I ask can that be done?????? I work with a group of people that come in early, stay late, and then additionally come in on their days off just to ensure that our students, din an area where poverty is the norm, get the best damn education they can possibly have. I taught in a bigger district that had more money before being where I am at now and I there is a remarkable difference between the way students are treated.....In the poorer district students are valued and the teachers one and all go the extra mile to make sure that they learn and not just for the sake of getting better PACT scores.....

Ok OK I'll hop down from my soap box...I just needed to vent....I love my job and my children but work has gotten so stressful that I have had to seek counsel from a psychiatrist just to have a grasp on my sanity and be the best I can be on my job!!!!!

Merry Christmas...Thank the Lord it's over and done with and now we can look to the New Year with hope and wonder!!!! Currently my hubby is cleaning the kitchen from our strange and mixed-up New Year's day meal. I can't say that I can cook as well, or even as close, as my Nan but I'm getting there. Being away from home and not having those comfort foods among other things has not been an easy adjustment but I'm learning to bring what I knew as home into my new home. I'm not going to lie and say that I am this culinary genious but I'm learning. It wouldn't have been New Year's Day without black eyed peas and collard greens and they were actually pretty close to my Nan's recipe. See Mom I can cook!!!!

The best for last......My hubby and the mixed up crab legs!!!!

All in all 2006 was a pretty good year and now we are all left to ponder what to do with 2007. Tomorrow my ex-mother in-law will be invading to decorate Bre's room which is nerve wrecking in iteself but this too shall pass. I'm not going to worry about what she thinks of my house and it's current condition. I live in a house occupied by 6 people with 4 of those being little people that are constantly leaving disaster in their paths. Everything will be ok...Deep cleansing breaths!!!!!!