Kidney Infection....UGHHHHH!!!!! yuCKY!!!!

I should have known something was going wrong yesterday......It felt as if I was going through my eighth month of pregnancy with all of the running to the bathroom. Turns out it's a kidney infection! WooHoo! Thank goodness there is an over the counter medicine now that helps this problem...

On to a more thoughtful (sad) note. On Thursday my great Uncle passed away from a massive heart attack. A little background on the situation first...My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. So most of my life has been one in which my families consisted of two different entities that on rare celebratory occasions those two families came together. My uncle was a member of my father's side of the family, mind you, but on Saturday after the funeral was all done (two hours away from where I live currently) my mother called to tell me the news. This was a blow to my heart because this man was very near and dear to my heart. He never married but always had time for the children in the family when we would visit. I'm currently having issues related to my father. He has totally cut me out of his life as have I with him. My mother is very upset because she feels that she started a "war" of sorts between "Harry" and myself. She said that it broke her heart that I refuse to call him dad anymore. I feel alienated and disconnected from him and have for quite some time now. It has given me some sort of inner peace to be able to disconnect and realize that I do not have to strive for his love and affection from this point forward. My therapist will have a lot to listen to during my visit in February!!!!

I can almost hear my paternal grandmother now...."You know that relationships are a two-way street and you need to make more efforts to build a bridge with your father." Okay I have tried to build that bridge with no success...Every phone conversation has been made by myself and those conversations generally end up with him being overly critical of decisions being made by my husband and myself. My mother's statement was that I need to concentrate on all the people in my life (actively participating) and the people that make my life worth living. I've prayed about my relationship with the "sperm donor" and I've yet to feel that I have any answers. I have spent a great majority of my life desiring the love of "Harry" only to reach utter failure and it is not a path that I choose to seek thus far. I feel as if the ball is in his court and he can do with it as he pleases. I am not going to sit and mope around waiting for the impossible....